Meeting with the Boss

So I had to have a meeting yesterday with my boss. He always likes to start the meetings by asking me how I'm feeling. This is an awkward situation, because while he says he wants me to be honest, when it comes to the work environment, honesty is rarely the best policy.


Boss: "So, how are you feeling."

Me: "Good!"

Honest Me: "I want to cry!"

Boss: "So how can we improve your work?"

Me: "I need to start meeting my work goals."

Honest Me: "This is the best you're gonna get. Seriously."

Boss: "So how can I help you meet your goals?"

Me: "We should work on improving our communication!"

Honest Me: "Well, you could pay me to stay home. That would accomplish a lot of my goals!"

I'm totally Quiting my Job!

Why work like a smuck when I can get paid to play video games. This website looks straight legit' yo.

Operations Manual

So my boss decided I should put together a manual explaining what I do. That way, when I'm on vacation, another person can fill in my place.

I'm a little at a loss at how to write a how-to when my job mostly consists of doing whatever chores my boss has assigned for me that day.

How to Do Meghan's Job
By Meghan Plott

Step 1: Get Boss's To-Do list

Step 2: Do it.

Somehow, I don't think this is what he has in mind. I need some more filler.

How to Do Meghan's Job
By Meghan Plott

Step 1: Get Boss's To-Do list

Step 1.25: Read over list

Step 1.5: Make notes on list

Step 1.75: Doodle quick picture of a frog eating a butterfly saying "thems good eats!"

Step 2: Do to-do list.

Well, that's a good start, but it's not meaty enough. What else do I do at work?

How to Do Meghan's Job
By Meghan Plott

Step 1: Get Boss's To-Do list

Step 1.25: Read over list

Step 1.5: Make notes on list

Step 1.75: Doodle quick picture of a frog eating a butterfly saying "thems good eats!"


Step 2: Do to-do list.

Step 2.25: Take a break to surreptitiously check email.

Step 2.5: Grab a snack from kitchen

Step 2.75: Read over list again, make more notes, doodle some more

Step 3: Check clock.

Step 3.25: Check clock.

Step 3.5: Check email.

Step 3.75: Check clock, just in case a time warp occurred that you weren't aware of.

Step 4: Complete to-do list. Make sure to report to Boss how it took all day long.


Well, that's pretty accurate. But when I look over this list, I realize it's really not needed. I think anyone who filled in for me would have this stuff down pat.

If you're reading this blog, you must be smart!

And that's not just me tooting my own horn. This website proves it!

Cash Advance Loans

I found this link courtesy of my friend Chris. I consider him to be much better at writing than me, but his blog only ranked at a high school reading level. Which means he probably is a better communicator.

New Job

I got a new job about a month ago for a construction/remodeling company. I was sad to leave the real estate job, but I'm just not a good salesperson. My pitch somehow always turned into a sale for my competitor "Oh, you're going with another agent to see North Quincy, I love North Quincy!" Like my Bob, my old boss said, "Meghan, you're not a closer."

So now I'm working Monday-Friday, 9-5ish, and I have benefits and over time and the whole-shebang, which is an improvement over the old job, accept for the fact that I actually have to work. At the agency, I went home when I wanted, did laundry during the day, went grocery shopping, whatever I wanted. Now I arrive home at 6:00 and all I want to do relax, but the laundry is inconsiderate and won't take itself down to the laundromat.

If only I could somehow combine the best of both worlds, a job where I don't have to work but I still get paid for full time and get dental. Well, if this place doesn't work out there's always my backup plan - winning American Idol.

Sometimes Being Cheap can be Costly

Oops.

YORK, Pa. — A man trying to climb a 12-foot, wrought-iron fence into a concert venue fell onto one of the inch-thick spikes, impaling his thigh, then held on while rescuers worked to cut part of the fence away ... The man had a concert ticket, but officials said the group may have jumped the fence to avoid the fair's $5 entry fee. His friends jumped the fence safely.

Let this be a lesson to all my cheapskate friends out there. Someday, it could kill you! ... Or wound you at least.

Babies!

I love big families, and am trying to convince my husband that four children is the perfect number. He wasn't swayed by my argument that it's our patriotic duty to out populate the Iranians, but I think this argument might have a better chance - redheads are going extinct! As a redhead, Taylor is obligated to pass on his genes in order to preserve his kind! How could he be callous enough to do otherwise?

My Puppy is Disgustingly Cute!

... And if you disagree, you are wrong.

Typo

I flew down to Dallas last weekend for a wedding. I had a two-hour layover in Baltimore, so to kill time I perused through the bookstore and found this gem:
I immediately spotted a typographical error, and while it's too late to help Al Gore, I decided to do what I can here on my little piece of the Internet.
This is why I can't stress enough how important it is to have someone edit your writings. Otherwise, mistakes like this can happen.

Good Enough

A couple people I've spoken with who claim to be agnostic like to argue that it is impossible to know who God is and what he really expects from us (such as which beliefs about him or her are "right") and yet assure me that when they die God will surely give them a pass because they are good people. The criteria for their goodness is an oft repeated refrain: "I haven't murdered or raped or stolen from anyone."

Well, if this is the criteria for what makes a good person, then our expectations are pathetically low.

What makes a good person? Say we have man who hasn't murdered, raped, or stolen from anyone but regularly beats his wife? While the agnostics mentioned above wouldn't say he's a good person, wife-beaters justify their actions all the time: "Aw, honey, you know you shouldn't make me mad, I just can't control myself," "I'm just so crazy about you, you know I really love you," bringing their victims flowers and chocolates after planting black eyes on their faces.

Clearly this is an extreme example, but my point is that anyone can convince themselves that they are good people, because their circumstances are unique and therefore justify their actions. And the problem is, if God is unknowable, how can you ever be sure you meet his criteria?

Puppies are a lot of work

Morgan seems to think that the best time to wake up in the morning is at 5:30, although today she was feeling especially perky and decided she need to go out at 4:15. This resulted in a sleep-addled argument between me and Taylor that sounded something like this:

"Mmm, the dog ... is awake ... Taylor ... ?"

"..."

"Taylor! The dog is awake!"'

"(Yawn) What do you ... want to do?"

"I want ... to sleep ..."

"What ... about the dog?"

"Hmmm ... she should sleep too."

"I think she has to use the bathroom."

"You're probably right."

"So?"

"So what?"

"(Sigh) Fine, I'll take her!"

I stayed in bed while Taylor took Morgan out to "eliminate" and the whole time I kept thinking that I really should be doing something useful to help, like sleeping, wait no, I should get her breakfast ready, or, go back to sleep, or maybe I could check her kennel and see if she needed a new blanket, or maybe I should just stay asleep. In the end, I decided the best option was sleeping.

If you think that was unfair of me, don't worry. At 6:30 it was my turn to take Morgan out while Taylor slept on, and now I tired and yet too awake to fall back to sleep. So while now I'm watching bleary-eyed as Morgan runs circles around my couch with my shoe. I know there's something I should be doing to address this situation, but exactly what hasn't yet occurred to me.

Headlines!

Sadly, this has never happened to me.

Twisted Movie Trailers

We got a puppy!

They say the first step before having a baby is getting a puppy. Well, we're not having a baby anytime soon, but after much reflection, such as "Am I really willing to get up off my lazy butt and walk a dog every day?" and "Do we really want another furry thing that poops?" we decided we are ready. We're ggot a puppy we've named Morgan (in keeping with our British car theme). She is an adorable, 10-week old puggle. What is a puggle, you ask? Here's a handy diagram my mother found for me.
As you can see, puggle is a combination of something cute with something ugly, resulting, interestingly enough, in something very cute. In spite of the fact that my whole life now revolves around Morgan's "elimination schedule," she's been great to have around. I've met more neighbors in the past three days than the past month.

It's Morgan!



Morgan meeting the kids next door.

Free Love and Marriage

What a shocker that some of these women find a life of free-loving promuscuity "empty." Perhaps arranged marriages are the solution. Or not. My mother and I can't agree on clothing choices, and as my middle-school romances demonstrate, she often felt more empathy for the guys I rejected than me.

"Now Meghan," she'd say, "he's a nice boy. Don't crush his spirits."
My dad disagreed. "Crush his spirits, girl! Crush 'em!"

She'd probably set me up with a guy because she felt sorry for him. Although, if my parents had been serious about arranging my marriage with the handsome Lt. Caleb Cage, son of their close friends, I might have gone for it.

Harry Potter: No longer fun?

I wanted to select an entertaining book to read at the laundromat, so I went to my bookcase and immediately my eyes were drawn to my colorful Harry Potter series (all in paperback, except for the last one, which was given to me by my mother-in-law. It broke the conformity, but I'm never one to turn down a free $30.00 book). I thought about reading The Half-Blood Prince, after all, Book Seven is coming out next month, it would be good to be prepared. But I knew finishing it would be a commitment, and I wasn't sure I wanted to relive Dumbledore's death again. So down to Book Five, but no, it's even longer, and Sirius dies in that. Book Four, the longest of all, and Cedric dies, which no one really cared about, but still depressing. Book Three has always been my favorite, but I've read it a bunch of times, Book Two is the silliest of all the plot lines and my least favorite, and Book One is just a little boring, I haven't read it in five years. What was I to do? I had to read something at the laundromat, otherwise some greasy weird guy might try to talk to me. I scanned the books again, weighing the pros and cons of each.

In the end, I grabbed First Rider's Call and went on my way.

Harry Potter Theme Park

Sweet!

Another Pic

The Ghostly Bride. The portrait is her back in life. She's supposed to have whithered away in an attic, so I tried to make her skinny and angular. I've never been very good at drawing flowing dresses, but I'm fairly happy with how it came out. Let me know what you think!

Yet another amusing liberal how-to

I'm going to stereotype here, but this seems like typical liberal drivel. It's interesting to see how the other side sees me. And I find it down right amusing how this article completely confirms what I believe about most of them. Aw well, at least we agree we can still be friends (after the author has done his best to belittle me, of course).

Summer Shopping

I am not a fan of the new summer fashions. Perhaps the designers were watching
too many Jane Austen movies, because every single top and dress are the empire-waist style that only look good on skinny models, and just barely at that. When something doesn't look that great on the model who's supposed to be selling you shallow dreams of trendiness, you know something has gone horribly wrong.

This may surprise you, but I, Meghan, am not a skinny model, so my dressing room experience was especially bad. I am convinced that dressing room mirrors are designed to give you the worst naked-body image possible so you'll hurry up and put on clothes to cover yourself up. Unfortunately, all the clothes I tried on managed to make me look worse than naked.

The problem is that I have no discernible torso. My rib cage practically meets with my pelvis. So the last thing I need is an outfit that says "Waist-lines are for losers, lets hide your shape!"

I know that fashion runs in cycles, so if I'm patient enough all the empire waist tops, skinny jeans, and tight leggings will soon be gone and I can start enjoying shopping again in about 10 years. Unless some crazy fashion designer decides to bring back hoops skirts. They make my hips look big.