Raspberry Razors

I just bought a pack of lady razors, and saw that they are now NEW! With Raspberry Scent! I can't tell you how many times I've shaved my arms and thought "Gee, I sure wish this razor gave off the whiff of berries." Thank goodness some genius finally put the two together.

Guilt Complex

If you think your parents gave you a guilt complex, it is only because you yourself gave them one when you were still in the womb.

When I was pregnant, I fretted over every little thing. It didn't help that my pregnancy was complicated by high blood pressure and a less than ideal work place. I was told monitor the baby's movements three times a day, and if he wasn't as active as last time, I had to come to the doctor to be tested right away.

You can imagine, being given this sort of imperative, that I became extremely paranoid, and monitored every single movement of both the baby and myself. I would cry to Taylor that I didn't feel the baby move right at 11:00 am on the dot and that it must have been the result of me taking Sudafed the night before, or maybe it was the fish I ate for lunch, or perhaps being exposed to gamma rays from my computer. Whatever the cause, the end result was my baby had been damaged and it was my fault; I ruined him forever.

I was so relieved and grateful to have a normal, healthy baby boy. This relief lasted no longer than 24 hours when the following morning I completely failed at my attempts to breastfeed, and had to give my screaming infant a bottle of formula in order to calm him down. This was it: he'll never take to the breast again, I'd have to buy him formula and he'll be less smart and healthy than his peers; I ruined him forever.

After Caleb's tummy got full and I got a lesson from the lactation consultant, breastfeeding went smoothly and he gained four pounds between leaving the hospital and his first visit to the pediatrician. "Well," she had said, "No failure to thrive here."

Such words should have given me comfort, helped me relax, but once again we're going through another set of trials and I'm convinced I'm must be doing something wrong. Naturally, if I don't fix this right away, I'm going to ruin him forever.

Caleb, or The Baby Prince, as I affecionately refer to him when he's being demanding, is going through another growth spurt and is eating so much I can hardly keep up with him. It doesn't help that he inherited his mother's flair for the dramatic - you'd think he was starving to death from the way he carries on when he's hungry.

In order to help him stay fuller longer at night, we decided to try some rice cereal. I thought this was an excellanet solution, until I pulled down my copy of What to Expect during the First Year (which really should be called: Everything You're Doing Wrong during the First Year and how You're Ruining Your Child Forever) and read that giving cereal was the wrong thing to do, because then I'll stop producing enough milk to meet his demand, thus requiring more suplemental feedings, which will further reduce my milk supply, and so the cycle goes.

Engulfed in another cloud of worry and guilt, I talked to my mother who told me she gave my older brother Pete rice cereal in his bottle to help him sleep through the night as well. In spite of this, Pete turned out to be an intelligent, witty, and successful adult, certainly not ruined in anyway (except perhaps a tendency to dress up as Captain Kirk). I realized that we mothers do the best we can, and for the most part, our kids turn out just fine. And when I look at Caleb's sweet, gummy smile, I know that one day he's going to be grown and successful and wracked with guilt over all the grief he caused me. Thus the circle will be complete.

From 12_10_09

Year in Review

I haven't been writing much because I like to write about interesting/humorous things going on in my life, but for the past year much of my life has been consumed with being pregnant and now being a mommy, and there's only so much you can write about both topics before they start to become monotonous to both the writer and the reader.

I do love being home with my little boy and seeing his sweet, gummy smile. It strange to think just little over a year ago he was conceived. While Taylor and I rang in the New Year, he was growing in the secret, quiet place in my womb. It amazes me how quickly I grew to love him, and how, after only being in my life as a person for three months, I can't imagine my life without. It's opened up a whole new world of joy and fear.

Around this time last year I was busy on the job search, having been laid off from my job as a personal assistant in Cambridge just before Thanksgiving. It was during that last two weeks of Janurary '09 that I started work at Servpro, only to find out two weeks later that I was pregnant.

The church of which I am apart, and the whole reason I'm here in Boston in the first place, went through some difficult changes. A vital couple chose to move back to Texas, and while in the end we supported their decision, the group's dynamics have changed forever. Another couple is planning to join them in the summer, and so we'll be changed again. If you count success by membership numbers, it's a litte disheartening to admit to being nearly halved, but I know that God has a purpose for us in both Massachusetts and Texas.

On Thursday I'll be hosting a New Year's party at my house, so I can put the baby to bed and still witness the coming of the new year. I'm not a huge New Year's fan, but will take any excuse for a party and adult beverages.

It's time for me to go - the baby prince is wailing, something I'll definitely be dealing with in 2010!

The basic goodness of humanity.

I've come to the conclusion that the divide between conservative and liberal political thought, particularly among Christians, can be traced to what each believes about the fundamental nature of people.

I think that politically-liberal Christians believe that, as beings created in God's image, we have a divine spark that makes humans naturally good. It is the external environmental influences that pressure naturally good people into making bad choices, leading to bad lifestyles. Therefore, if you can eliminate poverty, illiteracy, and social inequality, humanity's condition will be improved and everyone will live in peace. This is why they embrace social programs and push for social justice.

On the other hand, politically-conservative Christians believe that, though created in God's image, humanity has been corrupted, and therefore our natural impulses are not for good, but for evil. Environmental factors may play a small part in decision-making, but goodness can only be achieved through an internal transformation by God. Social programs don't improve humanity's condition, but rather allow another avenue for abuse by naturally selfish people.

I lean toward the latter view, but I definitely have sympathy for the former. Sometimes it seems easier to change a person's environment than to change a selfish, stony heart.

Hell

I recently read a blogger complaining of how he thought it was unconscionable for God to send an atheist to hell for the mere sin of skepticism. Although his commenters pointed out that he probably has other sins besides skepticism for which he's being condemned, I feel like this line of thought isn't quite accurate. I believe the problem may be that people feel that heaven is the default destination, and then God plucks people out of line to send them to the lake of fire for being bad. In realty, hell is for everyone the ultimate destiny, and it is God, through the sacrifice of his son Jesus, who saves us from our fate.

Some might argue that this is just semantics; difference is only that of throwing someone in a lake to drown, and coming across a drowning person and willfully letting them go under. In both cases, one would be responsible for murder.

What we don't realize is that we're already drowning. For whatever reason, we chose to go into that murky lake and now we're going under. God is offering the lifeline, but we have to chose to grab it. Salvation is there for the taking, but we still have to make the choice to accept it.

As for hell itself, I personally don't believe that it is a place of fire and brimstone with little devils poking the condemned with pitchforks. Rather, I think it's the fullfillment of the choices you've made in your life. You wanted to live without God? Well, now you are finally in a place where he doesn't dwell. And yes, it does suck, but I don't think this condition is eternal. Whenever Jesus spoke of eternal life, it was for those who chose to follow him. Those who didn't are warned they'll suffer the second death. Because an eternity in torment would still be eternal life, this would indicate to me that eventually the spark of life will be extinguished. In the end, atheisits will get exactly what they expect - a complete abscence from existance.

Ewww...

At least when choosing models, they accurately depicted just what kind of beta-males utilize this service.

Lame

100,000 secular Britons seek "de-baptism."

I understand this is purely symbolic on the part of the people wanting to be de-baptised, but why go to all the trouble to null a ceremony which you believe has no meaning or power behind it in the first place. After all, probably the best way to prove you're not a Christian is to just live like it.

It seems like the equivalent of me trying to undo my Phi Theta Ki membership from junior college. I supposed I could write to the organization and ask to be formally released, but I left junior college long ago and I don't think anyone still associates me with them.

Work is slow ...

So slow, in fact, that I'm getting flashbacks from my previous job, except that I was actually busy there. The parallels to my last job are more in the vein of "Wow, if we don't get anymore work we're going to be [large amount of money] short this month." The last time I heard that it was followed by, "And therefore, we can't afford to keep you anymore, Meghan."

Hopefully, it won't come to that, but work needs to put up soon. I have absolutely nothing to do. I even went to my boss and told him I needed a project. He looked around the office for a few minutes and said, "Well, there really isn't anything that I can think of." Coming from the man who just had me rearrange all our file drawers and supply closet, that's pretty bad.

There's nothing worse then trying to create work for yourself, because eventually you wind up doing stuff that didn't get done in the first place because it's a stupid waste of time. Right now I'm filling the time by entering business contact info from 10-year-old Rolodexes I found in the storage closet into our electronic address system. Half the companies listed don't even exist anymore. It is fun to see which companies did stand the test of time. If this new job ends up not working out, I'll have a list of companies with proven longevity I can apply to. I bet I'm totally qualified to work for Biff's Autobody in Brighton.

Shopping with girlfriends is way better than shopping with husbands.

My buddy Krista invited me to spend the day shopping and getting in some much-needed girl time. Taylor and I are best friends, but there are some things for which men just aren't qualified, like commiserating about menstrual cramps, talking about husbands, and spending 5 hours in one day at Target and Khols.

One of the best things about shopping with Krista is that she doesn't mind meandering around a store and getting distracted by shiny displays. Taylor approaches shopping like a military raid: get in, grab the objective, and get out with minimal causalities. Krista and I on the other hand will peruse the whole store, and if we happen to get separated from each other, it's cool; we'll eventually meet up in the shoe department anyway.

Spring Awakening

I love spring in Boston. After being couped up all winter, it feels like the whole city comes to life. The snows starts to melt and the grass is starts to turn green again, and more exciting is you see people again! Everyone wants to be outside as much as possible: kids play in the yards, pet owners walks their dogs, joggers are out in full force trying to melt away their winter reserves.

This is really when the New Year should start, because the warm weather introduces a whole new world of possibilities. Taylor and I are making plans to have friends over for cookouts and picnics at the beach and to just plan get out more. Exercise doesn't seem so bad anymore because I want to be out walking. My dog Morgan stops being a pain in the butt because she can run off her energy in the back yard without turning into a pupcicle.

It feels like my life is so full of promise right now, which will probably only last until July when the temperature will hit the upper 90's and I'll be hiding in my air-conditioned house. Until then, I'm going to revel in the fresh air and sunshine.

Yes Sir, that's my baby!

Taylor and I discovered that I was pregnant on February 14th, after I spend the previous couple days feeling sick to my stomach and strangely lethargic. We didn't really think I was pregnant at the time, but decided to "rule it out" just in case.

I've taken probably 50 pregnancy tests since we've been married, because being a little melodramatic I assumed any weird feeling in my body had to be pregnancy! After seeing that single pink line so many times, it was a little more than jaw-dropping to see two pinks lines. I even made Taylor come up to the bathroom to confirm.

"Yup," he said. "There's two pink lines. Hey wait, isn't this thing covered in pee?"

Thus began our voyage into parenthood.

I'm now about 11 weeks along. Taylor and I went to my OB yesterday and they performed a sonogram. We watched in awe as our baby danced like a marionette on the black screen. It made all the nausea, bloating, lack of sleep and weird facial hair of the past weeks worth it.

Being pregnant is like falling in love. First, you're going through your life like normal, then someone comes and they're all you can think about. You dream about them and your life together and you're terrified they might leave. You're scared and thrilled. You feel like you're going to throw up all the time.

Okay, well, maybe that last once is pretty much just pregnancy.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Good Question

Could Obama be just too awesome?

New Job

So I have been officially working at my new job for a fully month now. I don't like giving specifics of where I work via the Internet lest it come back to haunt me, especially since work usually provides tons of fodder for sarcastic commentary. Suffice it to say that I am currenty working as the receptionist/office assisant for a emergency restoration company.

I have mixed feelings about my employment. I'm not making as much as I used to, and my hours are pretty long. On the plus side, my commute is much shorter, since I'm no longer taking the train into Cambridge.

The biggest struggle I'm facing is that my job is pretty dull, especially in comparison with the fast-paced environment of my previous job. I do a lot of paperwork and filing and sitting for 8.5 hours a day.

It's frustrating, because I know this job was an answer to prayer. I need to work, and with unemployment the highest it's been in decades, I know I should be grateful.

A friend of mine recently quoted Brother Lawrence, a 17th century monk who worked in the kitchen of his monastery, "Nor is it needful that we should have great things to do. . . We can do little things for God; I turn the cake that is frying on the pan for love of him, and that done, if there is nothing else to call me, I prostrate myself in worship before him, who has given me grace to work; afterwards I rise happier than a king. It is enough for me to pick up but a straw from the ground for the love of God."

This message really got me thinking that my job is another avenue through which I can be serving God. Even during the most mundane tasks I'm given, I have an oppurtunity to show my love for God. Put in that light, it becomes a lot easier to bear.

Snow is a four letter word.

Literally.

This observation brought to you by 6 more inches of snow in the South Shore.

And just like that ... I'm employed!

I got a job offer on Friday with Servpro of Weymouth, where I'll be serving as the office administrator. I would have reported this great news sooner, but I happened to be down with the flu at the time, and only after spending three days moaning on the couch did I recover.

So, praise God! I have a job!

Thoughts about what I need.

So yesterday I was turned down by the 3rd company I've with which I've interviewed. It was the same responses as the last two, "We really liked you, but found someone more qualified."

Oh, was a blow to my fragile ego this is! To think, somewhere, not just in the world, but in the South Shore of Massachusetts, there lives not one, but three people who are better than me in some capacity. I don't know how I'm going to handle this.

Of course, my Mom and Dad assured me (as I sniffled the bad news to them over the phone) that if those companies really knew me, they'd have hired me on the spot. This was the same assurance they gave me back in high school when I was the only girl without a date for Valentine's Day.

My best friend Krista then dropped by with some literal tea and sympathy, as I also happened to develop a nasty head cold yesterday and was in extra need of comfort.

I actually have an interview today with a company in Weymouth called Servpro, which does emergency restorations after flood and fire damage, etc. I have to admit I'm not feeling particular confident about this meeting given that my nose is red and dripping slightly, I'mb talkin lige dhis, and I'm slightly doped up on DayQuil. Is there a professional way to blow your nose during an interview?

"Excuse me, but I have to take this." Blows loudly into Kleenex.

The most difficult thing to deal with is not that I've been rejected three times, although that does sting. It's that I feel like my life is on hold right now. In a pay-to-play world, I feel like I can't do any of things I was to do. Plans to fix up the home, take a trip to Germany, start a family, are all being put off because we don't have the funds for it.

In the Bible, Jesus assures us that God cares for the sparrows, and we are worth so much more than birds! God knows what I need, and he will provide.

I have to ask myself, why is it that I don't need a job right now? Maybe the right one hasn't come up, or there's something else I'm supposed to be doing right now?

In the meantime, all I can do is keep believing, keep applying, and keep my eyes open for new possibilities.

How Twilight should have ended:

As atheists roll out London ads, believers unruffled

"The Atheist Bus Campaign organizer, a young comedienne named Ariane Sherine, took exception last June to several London buses swathed with biblical quotes, placed by Christian fundamentalists.

Her idea to fund a few challenge ads took off; donors sent in $200,000 in two days. Ms. Sherine was joined by Oxford zoologist Richard Dawkins, a leading British atheist and author of "The God Delusion."

He predicted anger from believers. "They have to take offense, it is the only weapons they've got," Mr. Dawkins said as the first bus rolled through the streets of London. "They've got no arguments."

But the response by most faith leaders isn't quite what was expected."

That response was a collective, "Eh."

The line from Richard Dawkins made me chuckle. Sounds like he was making a hypothesis based on a given that turned out to have been derived from his personal world view (i.e. "Anyone who is religious is stoopid."). Kinda irrational for an objective scientist, don't you think?

My reaction is the same as the believers in the article. Our faith has gone through thousands of years of persecutions, critics, revolutions, and revivals, and they expect a couple billboard signs to bring us crumbling to our knees?

As for Dawkins, maybe seeing one assumption proven wrong will cause him to reevaluate the rest of his beliefs?

Probably not, but hey, I am a person of faith.

Cute

Sad Day

My career counselor called me and said not to come in, because he doesn't have any jobs for me today.

Well, I guess it's time to find more lame stuff on the Internet.

Still No Job

I interviewed with another company on Monday, but was told that they turned me down because another candidate was willing to work cheaper. Well, all I can say is you get what you pay for! Not that I'm implying anything untoward about the other candidate, I'm sure she's a very nice girl.

So, today I'm headed back to the Quincy Career Center to talk to my career counselor. The last time we spoke it wasn't very encouraging.

Counselor: Wow, your resume looks great! You have good skills and experience!

Me: Really?

Counselor: Yes, too bad there aren't any jobs out there.

It's been a little discouraging that I haven't found work yet, but all my free time has given me the chance to find lame stuff on the internet.

Sent to me from my friend Garrett:

The Impossible Quiz

Of course, this is only after I've scoured the internet looking for job postings. Honest.

Happy New Year!

New Year's Resolutions are routinely broken, so I've decided that for this year I'm going to make opposite resolutions, so that when I break them, I'll actually be happy about it.

Meghan's Resolutions for the year 2009:

1. Spend less time in prayer and devotion to God
2. Gain 100 pounds
3. Stay unemployed
4. Be a worse wife
5. Stop taking embarrassing pictures of my dog

I'm off to a bad start already - this is going to be a great year!