Headlines of the Day

Some news days are just better than others. Today was headline gold! Out of a favorite of mine, wikihow, comes How to Safely Swim with Piranhas. Because who hasn't wanted to swim with piranhas? It's been a silent ambition of mine for years.

From Reuters comes Lawmakers may ban texting while driving. Now, this is probably a good law to pass. I just don't understand how it's possible to text while driving. I have trouble enough texting while sitting down. "Okay, 'D-O-Space-Y-O-U-Space-W-A-N-T-Space-P-I-Z-Z-A-Space ...' Forget this, I'm just gonna call him!"

Finally, the winner comes from CNN with Police: Man swiped 1,500 women's undies. And this whole time you thought the dryer was eating them. The best line of the story is "We were kind of concerned about how to match up bras and panties with victims." I would think the patterns would help. *Snicker* I don't even want to know what this guy was doing with 93 pounds worth of panties, although I imagine it was something like this:

The Tragic Tale of Trying to Find a Bathroom in Medford

Taylor, Chris, and I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to browse the bookstores and use up the balance of my gift cards ($16.22). While there, we sat about talked about the issues of the day and drank coffee at the cafe. I felt very yuppie and cool all at the same time. However, an hour later we were were driving home I felt a lot less cool and a lot like I had to go to the bathroom, which I did. Have to go that is, not actually go in Chris' car. Gross. Anyway. I thought we were headed to Chris' house, so the bulging bladder was no big, because relief was soon in sight. Somehow though, the guys made some agreement without my knowledge to go to the Cingular store and activate Taylor's cellphone. We pulled in the the parking lot and I thought "Wait a second, this place doesn't look like it has a bathroom." I was right. Chris and I abandoned Taylor to the mercy of the salesman (Taylor has a serious loathing for cellphone salesman) and when in search of a bathroom. The salesman warned us that we would have difficulty as "places around here don't allow people to use their restroom 'cuz they're afraid they'll shoot up." With that in mind, Chris and I tried to look at little like junkies as possible and headed to a gas station down the street. No bathroom. We then briefly considered barging into "The Tiki Lounge," but I didn't have to go bad enough to overcome my reservations about peeing in a nice restaurant without ordering a $10.00 meal first. So we then got lost trying to make our way back to some other stores we saw on the way to the gas station. By this time I hit critical mass. When we finally pulled in the parking lot I tuck-and-rolled out of the car into a laundry mat, reasoning that in a place where people has to sit for hour there would surely be a bathroom. I was wrong again. I had only one hope left. The Subway. I has doubtful as most Subway's I've been to didn't have public bathrooms. I was ready to shout "I swear I don't shoot up!" in case anyone tried to stand in my way of using an employees' only room. Thankfully for everyone in the restaurant the restroom was for public use. In my desperation to reach the door in time I literally bunny-hopped inside. Then, blessed relief.

This story is very similar to a horror story, which are really just gruesome morality tales. If I had been smart, I would have gone before we left the bookstore. Instead, I risked it, and almost suffered a tragic end. Learn from me kids. The moral of this story is don't get stuck in Medford with a full bladder. And if you do, just go to Subway. They got ya covered.

Where was This When I Needed it?

Today I saw this post on wikihow: How to Turn Around a Bad Day at Work. Although, I think going to Bible study last night was what I truly needed. Being with the people I love worshiping the God I love can't fail to make me feel better.

Whoa, Emo!

After reading my last post, I realized that it sounded really emo. Please, if I ever get as bad as this, please, please, pull an intervention.

Being Stood Up is No Fun

It's just a part of the business I guess. I have a client who says he is so excited about seeing my listings, and yes, yes, he'll meet me at 3 o'clock sharp. So I wait. 3:10 rolls around, no big. 3:15. 3:25. 3:30. By this time I get the feeling he's not gonna show. If I'm lucky, I'll get a call saying "My bad, I'm not gonna make it. Sorry." around 3:35. If not, by 3:40 I give up and head home longing for some Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter ice cream. Because if you can't make money, you may as well spend it on expensive, leftist ice cream.

The Science is Settled - Except ...

From NASA. And Mars is getting warmer too. And like everyone else likes to snottily point out, there are no carbon emmissions on Mars. :p

UPDATED! Uh-oh, They're Trying to Convert Us Now!

Was perusing through wikihow this morning, reading How to Make a Sideways Room (new project!) and How to Walk Like a Diva (just in time for beach season), when I stumbled across this gem: How to Constructively Discuss Science with a Creationist . Naturally, "science" in this case is not the Theory of Relativity or the possibilities of building a space elevator, but the Theory of Evolution. Although, I think the former would be a much more amusing conversation.

"You ignorant Christian Seven-Day Creationist! How do you explain the Theory of Relativity?"
"Um, special relativity is a theory of the structure of spacetime. It was introduced in Albert Einstein's 1905 paper "On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies". Special relativity is based on two postulates which are contradictory in classical mechanics:

1. The laws of physics are the same for all observers in uniform motion relative to one another (Galileo's principle of relativity),
2. The speed of light in a vacuum is the same for all observers, regardless of their relative motion or of the motion of the source of the light." (Okay, I totally stole that from wikipedia.)

My favorite "tip" from the article is "Remember, the other person is defending their faithful hope of eternal life and earthly purpose; you're simply defending facts. Because of this, if you remain neutral and rational long enough, many fundamentalists will eventually allow their emotions and fears to take over, and will descend into progressively worse arguments."

Wow, thanks for destroying someone's "hope of eternal life" just so you can win a debate at a party. And they say we are intolerant.

I was going to link to a humorous article written on this topic by my friend of Chris of Narf's Cavern, but I couldn't find it. I'll have to ask him to dig through his archives to I can link to it and you can be impressed by how smart an Intelligent Design proponent can be.

Update: Here is the link I promised, courtesy of Chris.

The Wii is Gone

Snow!

Another Reason Why I Love My Cats

Pure entertainment value!

Sorry about the poor quality. Taylor filmed it using our digital camera. And yeah, that background music is from me playing Zelda.

Sweet!

Study: Playing Violent Video Games Improves Your Eyesight

And here I was thinking video games were making my vision worse. Although, not all video games are equal:

Sedate games like "Tetris" don't work.

Sorry Mom. All I know is right now, I'm having to squint in order to read the dialogue in Zelda: Twilight Princess. But, if I keep playing, my eyesight will get better and better. So, sorry Chris, I can't give you your Wii back. Medical reasons, you understand.

Smashing New Hat Increases Ego Points by 30

I got a new hat yesterday. Buying hats is always a tricky thing, because they always look really good in the dressing room, only to prove to be all wrong for you when you get home. But my hat passed the husband approval test, so I knew I had a good thing going.

Even better, today I received five compliments. My boss, my co-workers, even the mailman were all impressed by my hat. I have to say, I was afraid the hat would rip because my head swelled larger and larger with each mention. What a great day!Now it's your turn! Admire!

Just When I Thought He was Cool ...

M. Night Shyamalan decided to produce an environmentally preachy movie. Thanks. I'm sure evil Amercians will be featured along with evil corporations. Personally, as someone who has been bombarded with these messages since Captain Planet, it's gotten old.

Judgment

One of non-Christians' favorite lines to throw at Christians is "Judge not!" Usually this follows after a Christian makes a stance against a particular lifestyle.

Me: "I really think it's a bad idea to go to parties and get wasted and engage in promiscuous sex."

Non-Christian: "Judge not lest ye be judged! So there! I'm off the hook."

Christians are admonished not to judge, yet later in the same passage we are told to judge a tree by it's fruit.

I see there is a distinction. The second passage is refering to false teachers, and how to tell if what they are teaching is right. However, where does that lead? If we judge a teacher to be false by his fruit, how are we to respond? Are we to judge the teaching, but not the teacher?

I'm struggling because I know a person who says she's a Christian, yet she is living with her boyfriend (who, while separated, is still married to another woman), cheats on her taxes, and is trying to collect worker's compensation in spite of the fact that she has a new job. I believe these actions are clearly inconsistant with the teachings of Christ. I would even go so far as to say she isn't really a Christian at all. And that's where the rub is. Am I judging her? Am I wrong to do so?

Of course, I haven't said anything to her, and I'm not likely to, as we are not close friends. My real concern is not even her at all, but myself. If I believe she is doing something wrong, should I say something to her? Should I let it lie? Sometimes I feel like we Christians embrace non-judgmentalness so strongly that we end up condoning what we ought to condem instead. Because if we really believe that sin is real, and separates people from God, then we need to help people see they have a sin problem, not ignore it. It's only when people realize they need saving that they'll look for a Savior.

So how do we do it?

Sometimes it's Hard to Tell ...

Important Alert!

The Williams and I went to IKEA yesterday. (Since I know you're wondering, I purchased a spatula, a mountable display case, and a overhead lamp.) Taylor and Jen planned "to only pick up a few things" so they didn't get a shopping cart. Well, as so often happens at IKEA, a "few things" turned in twenty things they just had to have, and both Williams had arms full of merchandise. That's when Taylor decided to put a pair of glass candle holder in his pockets "for safe keeping" and then promptly forget about them. We made our purchases, and it wasn't until we sat in the car and heard the tell-tale sound of glass clinking together that we realized Taylor's criminal offense.

Taylor, being a man of integrity, told Jen that the next time she went to IKEA, she had to purchase an identical pair of candle holders and leave them behind, so it would make up for what Taylor took. Jen and I laughed, and said this was no doubt the beginning of a terrible crime spree. I asked Taylor if next time he would mind putting a Billy bookcase in his pocket for me - those are nice!

My Pet Rock Story

So, I did what I said I was going to do and adopted a pet rock. And now, I feel the need to warn to rest of you out there about what I experienced. Don't let this happen to you!

Things started off pretty well. I found a nice-looking rock and asked her if she wanted to come home and be my pet rock. She said "Sure, it's not like I'm doing much out here in the dirt." So I named her Frannie and drew a nice bubble bath for her so she could get cleaned up and presentable.Next, I took little Frannie shopping for some clothes. She said she really like lacy things. I wasn't sure how to respond to her when she asked if the skirt made her look fat. White's not the most slimming color, but she's a rock. I don't know if anything would make her look slim.After a big day of shopping I showed Frannie her room. She was so excited! She said she never had a place to herself. Before, when she was outside in a big pile of dirt and rock, she said she never had any privacy and nice things. I told her she was welcome.Good night Frannie! What a great addition to our family!Today I took Frannie out to socialize with some friends around the house. This is her playing 'Go Fish' with Eggerton. She asked when she might be able to him again. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I said "Maybe we'll have breakfast sometime."So while I was putting Eggerton back into his carton in the fridge, I saw Frannie talking to this darkly dressed and hunched over stick fellow. She told me later his name was "Twiggy." When I told her I wasn't sure he was the kind of guy she should be hanging out with, she called me a "conformist fascist" and ran to her room crying.
I'm growing concerned with Frannie's attitude lately. While I know her room is her own and I want her to be able to express herself, but why does she have to be so dark? She's started wearing these ratty, dark clothes and heavy eye makeup. I told her she was too pretty to be dressing like that, and she said I was just another sheep towing to society's definition of beauty while ignore the real ugliness of the world around me. I told her the only ugliness I saw around me was her room, to which she ran crying.So I caught Frannie out by the windowsill smoking! I was horrified and asked her where on earth she had picked up smoking cigarettes? She responded "What makes you think it was a cigarette?" I wasn't sure what to do. Should you make a kid smoke a whole carton of marijuana joints in order to make make her stop smoking?Frannie ran away from home last night. This is a picture Twiggy sent me with a note saying that my conformist, fascist ways were too suffocating for a free thinker like Frannie. Apparently she's headed to California where the individuals are.

So, this is where loving a pet rock gets you. I tried to do my best to give her a better home, and she ripped out my heart and stomped on it with stiletto heels. Please, before you decide to adopt a pet rock, think about my story. Don't make the mistakes I did.

Pet Rocks

Who ever decided that a rock would make a good pet? I can only imagine it was some dad trying to persuade his kid out of a puppy. "You don't want a puppy! They're loud, they smell, they pee on my new leather furniture." Looks wildly around. "I know, lets get you a pet rock! Yeah, a pet rock. They're the greatest. You want a pet rock, don't you son?"

I bring this up because I was browsing through my "How to of the Day" and low and behold, there was an article titled "How to Find a Pet Rock". In fact, I saw more articles about pet rocks than I did regular pets. Seeing as how I have never better to do, I am going to get my own pet rock. I'll let you know how it goes.

Picture

If I could, I would like to be a cartoonist, or at least be able to illustrate my own children's books. I've been trying to improve my drawing skills by reading and studying other artists' work. So, here I have a picture I drew, scanned, and attempted to color using GIMP. I don't think it's too bad, but then again, they say mothers love their ugly children too. Let me know what you think.

Not Supposed to be Barbie by Meg

Random Question of the Day

Why does a lot of cheese smell really bad, and yet taste so delicious? Like blue cheese for instance. It smells like dirty gym socks, and yet I love to crumble it all over my salad. I consulted an expert, Jennifer Williams, Licensed Nurse Practitioner, on this matter.

"It doesn't make sense," Williams said, "as your olfactory sensor and taste sensor are connected together."

I guess we'll never know.

Gay Men and Models

I watched America's Next Top Model and the Search for the New Pussycat Doll last night. In my defense, I was just looking for something mindless to listen to while I folded laundry. You'd think folding laundry was mindless enough in of itself, but I needed more. So. As I was watching, I noticed a strange phenomenon in both shows. Gay men were teaching the women on the show how to be well, women. It made me wonder how far we've come as a society when it takes a man who likes men to show how to be a sexy woman to women who like men. Are our women so liberated that it now takes a man to be a feminine woman? After all, our single women are addressed as "Ms." This guy goes by "Miss J."

On an entirely unrelated note, I totally had a TV like this when I was a kid.