Judgment

One of non-Christians' favorite lines to throw at Christians is "Judge not!" Usually this follows after a Christian makes a stance against a particular lifestyle.

Me: "I really think it's a bad idea to go to parties and get wasted and engage in promiscuous sex."

Non-Christian: "Judge not lest ye be judged! So there! I'm off the hook."

Christians are admonished not to judge, yet later in the same passage we are told to judge a tree by it's fruit.

I see there is a distinction. The second passage is refering to false teachers, and how to tell if what they are teaching is right. However, where does that lead? If we judge a teacher to be false by his fruit, how are we to respond? Are we to judge the teaching, but not the teacher?

I'm struggling because I know a person who says she's a Christian, yet she is living with her boyfriend (who, while separated, is still married to another woman), cheats on her taxes, and is trying to collect worker's compensation in spite of the fact that she has a new job. I believe these actions are clearly inconsistant with the teachings of Christ. I would even go so far as to say she isn't really a Christian at all. And that's where the rub is. Am I judging her? Am I wrong to do so?

Of course, I haven't said anything to her, and I'm not likely to, as we are not close friends. My real concern is not even her at all, but myself. If I believe she is doing something wrong, should I say something to her? Should I let it lie? Sometimes I feel like we Christians embrace non-judgmentalness so strongly that we end up condoning what we ought to condem instead. Because if we really believe that sin is real, and separates people from God, then we need to help people see they have a sin problem, not ignore it. It's only when people realize they need saving that they'll look for a Savior.

So how do we do it?