The Tragic Tale of Trying to Find a Bathroom in Medford

Taylor, Chris, and I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to browse the bookstores and use up the balance of my gift cards ($16.22). While there, we sat about talked about the issues of the day and drank coffee at the cafe. I felt very yuppie and cool all at the same time. However, an hour later we were were driving home I felt a lot less cool and a lot like I had to go to the bathroom, which I did. Have to go that is, not actually go in Chris' car. Gross. Anyway. I thought we were headed to Chris' house, so the bulging bladder was no big, because relief was soon in sight. Somehow though, the guys made some agreement without my knowledge to go to the Cingular store and activate Taylor's cellphone. We pulled in the the parking lot and I thought "Wait a second, this place doesn't look like it has a bathroom." I was right. Chris and I abandoned Taylor to the mercy of the salesman (Taylor has a serious loathing for cellphone salesman) and when in search of a bathroom. The salesman warned us that we would have difficulty as "places around here don't allow people to use their restroom 'cuz they're afraid they'll shoot up." With that in mind, Chris and I tried to look at little like junkies as possible and headed to a gas station down the street. No bathroom. We then briefly considered barging into "The Tiki Lounge," but I didn't have to go bad enough to overcome my reservations about peeing in a nice restaurant without ordering a $10.00 meal first. So we then got lost trying to make our way back to some other stores we saw on the way to the gas station. By this time I hit critical mass. When we finally pulled in the parking lot I tuck-and-rolled out of the car into a laundry mat, reasoning that in a place where people has to sit for hour there would surely be a bathroom. I was wrong again. I had only one hope left. The Subway. I has doubtful as most Subway's I've been to didn't have public bathrooms. I was ready to shout "I swear I don't shoot up!" in case anyone tried to stand in my way of using an employees' only room. Thankfully for everyone in the restaurant the restroom was for public use. In my desperation to reach the door in time I literally bunny-hopped inside. Then, blessed relief.

This story is very similar to a horror story, which are really just gruesome morality tales. If I had been smart, I would have gone before we left the bookstore. Instead, I risked it, and almost suffered a tragic end. Learn from me kids. The moral of this story is don't get stuck in Medford with a full bladder. And if you do, just go to Subway. They got ya covered.