My Pet Rock Story

So, I did what I said I was going to do and adopted a pet rock. And now, I feel the need to warn to rest of you out there about what I experienced. Don't let this happen to you!

Things started off pretty well. I found a nice-looking rock and asked her if she wanted to come home and be my pet rock. She said "Sure, it's not like I'm doing much out here in the dirt." So I named her Frannie and drew a nice bubble bath for her so she could get cleaned up and presentable.Next, I took little Frannie shopping for some clothes. She said she really like lacy things. I wasn't sure how to respond to her when she asked if the skirt made her look fat. White's not the most slimming color, but she's a rock. I don't know if anything would make her look slim.After a big day of shopping I showed Frannie her room. She was so excited! She said she never had a place to herself. Before, when she was outside in a big pile of dirt and rock, she said she never had any privacy and nice things. I told her she was welcome.Good night Frannie! What a great addition to our family!Today I took Frannie out to socialize with some friends around the house. This is her playing 'Go Fish' with Eggerton. She asked when she might be able to him again. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I said "Maybe we'll have breakfast sometime."So while I was putting Eggerton back into his carton in the fridge, I saw Frannie talking to this darkly dressed and hunched over stick fellow. She told me later his name was "Twiggy." When I told her I wasn't sure he was the kind of guy she should be hanging out with, she called me a "conformist fascist" and ran to her room crying.
I'm growing concerned with Frannie's attitude lately. While I know her room is her own and I want her to be able to express herself, but why does she have to be so dark? She's started wearing these ratty, dark clothes and heavy eye makeup. I told her she was too pretty to be dressing like that, and she said I was just another sheep towing to society's definition of beauty while ignore the real ugliness of the world around me. I told her the only ugliness I saw around me was her room, to which she ran crying.So I caught Frannie out by the windowsill smoking! I was horrified and asked her where on earth she had picked up smoking cigarettes? She responded "What makes you think it was a cigarette?" I wasn't sure what to do. Should you make a kid smoke a whole carton of marijuana joints in order to make make her stop smoking?Frannie ran away from home last night. This is a picture Twiggy sent me with a note saying that my conformist, fascist ways were too suffocating for a free thinker like Frannie. Apparently she's headed to California where the individuals are.

So, this is where loving a pet rock gets you. I tried to do my best to give her a better home, and she ripped out my heart and stomped on it with stiletto heels. Please, before you decide to adopt a pet rock, think about my story. Don't make the mistakes I did.